How to find the perfect blush and lip color

I realize that this is not a beauty blog, but since it is my only anonymous blog, I'm posting this tip here. Mostly, I'm afraid to tell this tip to my friends because it's embarrassing, but I still think it should be known.

Take a cell phone picture of your vagina after orgasm, with plenty of light. Use photoshop's eyedropper tool to extract colors from various parts of it, and paint those onto a blank drawing. Put the drawing full of your vagina's colors on your cell phone and bring it with you to the cosmetics store. Pick lip and blush colors that match those colors.

You will never find a more perfect match for your skin.

Evening Dress needed

Bah!

I am currently bemoaning the lack of plus sized evening dress/cocktail dress options available to go with my new Louboutin Glitters.

Am I really the only person with this problem?

Was just rewatching style.com's highlights from ss09 Lanvin and caught this great quote:

"I want uniqueness I want individuality I want to see faces I want to see wrinkles I want to see overweight people. I want to see everything and [... ?] fake will go and real will come."

- Alber Elbaz

He's such a cutie.

Fall Trends

It's shaping up to be a warmer-than-usual Fall and guess what that means? Sweater jackets. Basically, big bulky extra warm cardigans. I've picked up two or three already and they are love. Wear one with one of your more neutral toned summer shift dresses and some thick stockings and you've gotten yourself a quick and cheap wardrobe conversion from summer to fall. If your dress is sleeveless, remember to either bring a thinner cardigan with you to the office or to wear one under the bulky cardigan. Remember when Karl Lagerfeld was promoting the wearing of two cardigans together for Chanel a few years back? Yeah, it's still cute.

Argyle, cables, penny-loafers, and boat shoes (for fall) seem to be big trends right now too. Mixing grey with brown is in.

The purple trend is getting to me. I've been a purple lover all my life, but now that people are trending towards it I am thinking of giving it up. Entirely. Be careful with this one: easy small accessories are good, but making yourself look like Barney is BAD BAD BAD. Still, my purple metallic Chanel reissue is LOVE and it does look great when I wear all black.

Also out is having a different bag for each day of the week. I am uber-guilty of this, but it just doesn't jive with the recession dressing we should all be thinking about.

Given what NYC looked like in the 70s, I would also advise investing in a safe. If you don't have insurance, the sooner you do this the better. I can fit my entire Louboutin and Chanel collection into a safe that cost around $700. Some safes come with insurance for your goods too, so shop around.

I wanted to do a bigger post but things are BUSY BUSY BUSY. The economy may be failing but there is still plenty of work.

Banana Republic contest.

Ever stylish, cool, and casual; Banana Republic is having a daily contest to win a $250 shopping spree. I am a long time fan of their inexpensive, high quality items. Their jeans fit me just right and their styles are always on-season. They are one of the few mall chain stores I will shop at because in my experience their clothes hold up for years. Check it out here.

Tory Burch has really grown on me.

In the beginning I thought her designs were obtrusive and unnecessary. The big glaring gold cross on simple black ballet flats? I'll never wear them. But some of her newer things I LOVE LOVE LOVE.

Take for example, the Happy Hobo and Clutch bags. The logo gently blends into the surrounding happily colorful dots:





And psychadelic prints? Normally they are just not a part of my repertoire, but Tory's twist on them feels classic chic. Something I can wear to the office, the beach, and a party all in one day. I know the words "classic" and "psychadelic" don't normally intermix, but somehow Tory does it! She's just THAT talented!





And yes of course they come in size 14.

At this point I literally want to sing her praise. Thank goodness for a designer that actually gets it! Tory you're amazing. I didn't understand your unique spin at first, but the bright unusual colors and larger than life logo are finally speaking to me. You have serious talent dear woman.

Available via Neiman Marcus.

Edited to mention:
I only have the brown zorra top, above. It fits great. I can't back the sizing on the other size 14 items, including the bottoms and the dress.

Hot shorts that aren't hot pants?

I have a few pair of those Juicy sweatpants that I wear in the fall and winter to work out in. I love them. Super comfy, super cute. They make me feel good working out.

Well ever since summer hit, I'm still wearing these long terry pants to the gym. I survive because it's air conditioned, but I would be much more comfortable if I was wearing shorts.

I've considering going back to my old gym shorts -- those ugly brightly colored drawstring acetate-like-material things. I've considered wearing bermuda shorts. But instead I just wait until the sun is low before donning my pants and departing for the gym.

So the other day I went on a quest to buy new gym shorts. Fashionable ones.

Apparently in this backward world, that equates to hot pants. At least it does if you're shopping Juicy Couture. Now, nevermind that they aren't sold in my size: why in the world would an ordinary girl wear hot pants EVER? Do some people honestly think they look good in these types of shorts? The only thing I can think is that they must look good on you if you're Shorty McShort Short like a preteen, in which case they look longer on you than they're intended to.

Please tell me, oh fashionable world, is there an answer? Are there fashionable short options available that aren't hot pants made of terry?